FOR WOMEN IN GOVERNMENT.
“SAY MORE”
Whether you’re interested in learning how to improve your communication style or what life is like at the pinnacle of government in the United States, “Say More: Lessons from Work, the White House and the World,” the new book by former Presidential Press Secretary Jen Psaki has plenty to offer.
“Say More” recounts her journey from her first position as a lowly campaign worker through her professional ascent to presidential press secretary and her current role as tv commentator. At each stage, this journey provides the basis for useful advice on avoiding mistakes, communicating successfully, advancing professionally, and integrating a breakneck paced work life with a home life and two young children.
At the same time as Psaki shares useful advice about intra and inter office communication and dealing with detractors, she elegantly frames the discussion with intriguing anecdotes that provide a look at life in the White House.
In writing about the importance of understanding body language, for example, she shares what she learned about President Barack Obama, who she got to know well when she served as his campaign press secretary, and later White House deputy press secretary, deputy communications director, and finally communications director.
“After years of working with President Obama, I knew when he was exasperated in a meeting because he had a tendency to lean back in his chair, put his arms behind his head, and puff out his cheeks. That was a clear sign he wanted the person who was talking to stop talking,” she writes.
In her position in the Biden administration, it seems she was the victim of endless attacks from online critics who called her a communist, posted vomit emojis in response to her statements, and threatened her with messages that included her home address and the names of her young children. And that doesn’t even count the vitriol that emanated from the Kremlin, which started rumors that she was about to be fired, made comments about her appearance, and criticized her clothes. The Russians, she writes, “did target women more frequently than men, and their critical commentary often fixated on what those women were wearing.”
While she acknowledges that “my experience may be different than yours,” Psaki believes that her work in politics and government as a woman, wife and mother; her personal work philosophy, and the lessons she’s learned about communicating, can be helpful to others.
Below, you’ll find a selection of stories, advice and comments she shares in the book.
Handling the Conflicts Between Work and Home
When she was asked to be President Obama’s communications director in 2015, she was 36 years old and pregnant with her first child, something that she told the White House Chief of Staff right away.
Although she thought that news would encourage the administration to move on to another choice, it did not. There was a critical question before her: “Did I want to return to the White House and to one of the most demanding jobs in government, just months before having my first child?”
Together, she and her husband outlined what she needed to ask for to make acceptance possible. Her conditions: 12 weeks of maternity leave, and an agreement that she’d need to leave the job at 5:30 p.m. in order to pick her daughter up at daycare.
“I had been so worried to ask . . .for this accommodation, but it was far from the end of the world. People adapt. That’s what cell phones and laptops are actually good for.”
The White House Chief of Staff and President Obama agreed to her requests. While she worried about what “the wider world” would think of choosing such a demanding job when having a newborn, she got the following advice from a former colleague: “You want to be able to tell your daughter that, when she was a baby, you did this job.”
To handle her workload, she arrived at the White House at 7:30 in the morning each day. It was also critical to have a spouse who was there to step in. Her husband took on the responsibility of dropping their new baby off at daycare in the mornings and did the afternoon pickup on the occasional days when she couldn’t get free at 5:30.)
As Psaki writes: “I didn’t realize you could ask for things while working at the White House, or even set reasonable limits. And the insanity of the way I worked before my daughter was born was frankly my own doing more than anything my bosses asked of me.”
By the time she accepted the job as President Biden’s first press secretary, her daughter was five and she also had a son, who was two. “I knew that I would need to set some parameters and carve out my schedule to ensure I had quality time with them.”
Dealing With a Huge Work-Family Conflict
Psaki writes that the “worst day of the Biden administration” during her time as press secretary was August 26, 2021 when the Abbey Gate airport explosion killed 13 US troops and an estimated 170 Afghans – a tragedy that followed the US announcement that it was pulling out of Afghanistan.
It was also the day of a school open house that would welcome her daughter to kindergarten.
Her daughter was really looking forward to bringing both her parents to be part of the beginning of her kindergarten school year and Psaki could not face disappointing her.
She describes how despite the need to be in a White House room to review the President’s remarks at 4 p.m., she was able to slip out of the White House at 2 p.m., get in her car and rush to an elementary school in Northern Virginia. “I didn’t have time to linger but didn’t want my daughter to feel rushed or to see that I was a little distracted.”
She did her best to not look at her watch and to not show the waves of “fear, sadness and anxiety’ that she felt. “I had managed to be present for my daughter in her big moment and fortunately she was ready to go just around the time I really needed to make an exit.” She got back to the White House by 4 p.m. The President ended up speaking at 5:24, and her press briefing started at 6:07 p.m.
Dealing with Detractors
If a colleague is spreading rumors about you, Psaki provides several options, but the first is to deal with the individual directly through a “calm, straightforward confrontation”. (Definitely, not possible with Putin.)
“Write up what you want to say to clarify your thoughts, practice it out loud if you need to (in front of your mirror at home or even your dog) and then ask to see the person causing the problem.”
Other advice for handling detractors at work: Form a “trust squad” among office coworkers. “Your trust squad is made up of the coworkers who cheer for you publicly and root for you behind the scenes, who let you vent without judgment and give you advice, including when you screw something up and who know what you’re struggling with and can make you laugh on good days and bad. Having these kinds of supportive colleagues also allows you to compartmentalize frustrations, stresses and challenges so they don’t dominate your thinking – you have a safe place to dump them.”
Thinking Before You Speak
“When it comes to successful communication, you make the ice thinner by skating quickly. When you’re communicating about a difficult subject under time pressure, the only thing speaking quickly accomplishes is to muddle your message and make it difficult to understand.”
Further, “If you don’t know the answer, don’t try to bluff your way through. Taking responsibility when you don’t know the answer is part of what gives you credibility.”
Moderating emotional responses
“Frustration, annoyance, and even occasional anger aren’t usually helpful when you’re trying to get a message across; the only message they really send is that you’re frustrated, annoyed, or angry, and people don’t like to be on the receiving end of any of that.”
“Good communication is sometimes about lowering not raising the volume.”
Listening better
“When you’re actively listening, you’re not just receiving information, you’re saying something even when you’re not even speaking.”
“Listening skills will help you in pretty much every relationship – professional, personal, or some combination of the two.”
Being a good listener is “about noticing cues that signal something might be up, responding to shifts in tone or topic appropriately, and knowing how to ask questions that open a space for discussion.”
Preparing, Preparing, Preparing. . .
“Say More,” includes a chapter devoted primarily to planning, research and practice. “I promise preparation can be as enjoyable as any other aspect of communication. Maybe even more so. Either way, it will make you a far better communicator.”
Not surprisingly, as she readied herself for her first briefing as the press secretary for President Biden, preparation included studying a vast swath of material, and relentless practicing in front of mirrors and with colleagues. “I needed to prove I was able to reliably and effectively speak on behalf of the president. I’d spent the weeks before preparing for all manner of questions on policy and politics.”
“I was as prepared as I could be; I knew my message, my audience, and importantly what I was going to wear (an old blue J. Crew dress I had pulled from my closet.)”
A Tool of The Trade
At 5’ 3”, she knew that as a woman standing behind a too-high podium in her first official press conference as press secretary would rob her of some authority and stature. So, she had a large step, “covered in blue carpet to match the briefing room floor” so her shorter stature would not be as apparent as she addressed reporters.
She writes: “I found it reassuring to learn that former secretary of state Madeleine Albright carried a step with her when she traveled.”
Looking a bit taller behind the podium was not just about vanity. As she writes, “it’s unfortunately true that the perception of your credibility as a speaker can initially be impacted by factors completely out of your control – your age, your gender, your background, your accent, your orientation, your religion, your skin color, your body shape. And there are inherent biases based on all of these factors.”
Admitting Her Mistakes
In telling her story, Psaki is candid about the mistakes she’s made along the way
In 2013, when she was the spokesperson for the state department, Psaki mistakenly challenged the veracity of a news report that turned out to be true. At the time, the “first democratically elected president” of Egypt, Mohamed Morsi, was deposed in a military coup and a CBS journalist tweeted a photo of Secretary of State John Kerry on a yacht in Nantucket – very bad political optics, which Psaki quickly denied, firmly believing the journalist was mistaken.
“I believed this was true at the time, but as it turned out, I had spoken too soon. CBS was right: my boss had been on his yacht on the day in question. I hadn’t intended to deceive—my mistake had been the result of both a bad phone connection and then not doing due diligence with one of my bosses about the details.”
After getting the full story from Kerry, “which is what I should have done in the first place – I called CBS to confess that I had made a mistake, and to say he had been on his boat that day. Then I called every single reporter I had spoken to about the story and fell on my sword.”
“That I was willing to take the time to personally contact all the people I thought would feel misled made my good intentions more evident and appreciated.”
Her Personal Philosophy
“Fear is a reason to do something, not avoid it. Challenging yourself – physically, intellectually, professionally, and personally – is one of the best ways to grow.”
“Always take the leap, even when you’re scared.”
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